ethos of slutwork
eos : the dawn
There is no singular reason that sparked the creation of slut work.
In fact, as I think about it — it’s the only option I really had.
My sense of self and confidence derives from my ability to be productive, in whatever way matters to me. I hadn’t been creating any work, photography, visual art, writing, sculpture, absolutely anything in at least over a year. It was clearly weighing on me- it led to me to drink more aggressively than I was comfortable with.
Simultaneously, I was googly-eyed for someone I knew wasn’t going to be what I needed and would inevitably crush me, combined with the fact that my depression had reared its ugly head, and made a very bold and unwelcome entrance into my life at 30.
Holy fuck, I was flailing into a downward spiral — trying my very best to figure out myself, my shit, and a life plan along the way and it was fucking rough.
Somehow this idea presented itself to me, of creating art based on my love life ; I had more than an ample supply of heart-wrenching stories, it would enable me to continuously learn and explore design programs and theory and I figured sharing these experiences I had would not only be entertaining but therapeutic for me.
If I had to endure an unusual amount of emotional and traumatic situations, at least I could fucking share it with everyone and have a good laugh.
As I continue writing about them, you’ll eventually see how incredibly catastrophic and absolutely insane my love life has been. It’s almost statistically impossible that all of these things have happened to one individual but alas here I am.
ethos:
Upon first glance, @slut.work ultimately appears to be a finsta page — a self-indulgent NSFW not- so-secret second instagram profile created to shamelessly gather attention.
And yes, it absolutely is.
It’s designed to be seen as such.
And very appropriately, is an analogy of the idealized depiction of me vs. me in reality.
Men have often projected this romanticized version of me onto me; i am after all a cute bubbly fun sex positive woman with undeniable charisma and an impeccable sense of style.
I am the real-life manic pixie dream girl.
It’s really a chicken or egg situation here; do I attract men who (unintentionally or not) see me as such? or am I simply attracted to men that ooze a brooding existentialist frame of mind that I just want to take care of? I really couldn’t tell you, but it’s sure as fuck a pattern I’ve adopted.
In fact, it’s just become a routine now, I can predict the rise and fall of all my relationships. I watch as my love interests are enamoured as they get to know me, are amazed at my wide variety of interests, skill, and hidden talents and over time I see the spark in their eye wither as they realize that I am not in fact a fantasy, and just another human in need of companionship and love. But that’s not really what manic pixie dream girls are for, are they?
I should be honoured at the amount of times my lovers have confessed their longtime crushes and obsessions with me, how many times they admit they’ve thought about me in private moments, and their sheer awe on their faces at the sight of my naked body. Because yes, it really is that phenomenal.
And yet when we fuck, it’s like i’m not even there because they’re not fucking me, the real fleshy imperfect me — just the version they’ve fantasized about for so long.
If you think this a thirst trap, it absolutely is — because I’ve had to learn to use it to my advantage.
And if you’ve made it this far, you’ve made the effort to get to know me more than most. (Congrats!)
I appreciate you.
thesis:
@slut.work is a treasure hunt¹, a love letter², a performance + auto-biography³, and an ongoing experiment in vulnerability⁴.
It is a conceptual body of work, that is inspired by and references art history, feminist theory, and culture told through popular visual rhetoric.
It is a platform for me to share my mental illness, experiences with sexual assault, my evolution in reshaping my thought process to overcome patriarchal ideologies, all packaged in a humorous but self-deprecating entity.
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¹treasure hunt:
It is a self referential body of work that respects the privacy of my former lovers but is peppered with hints that only those who know, would know. It is intended to play on the inherent narcissism, curiosity and pride that exists in everyone. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to read about themselves from the perspective of a former lover?
²love letter:
Despite my many heartbreaks and portrayals of people who’ve vexed me, this is a love letter to everyone that has been a part of my life in some form or another, regardless of the circumstance you’ve helped me grow.
³performance + auto-biography:
Sometimes I can’t tell where this persona ends and I begin, are they one and the same? Do I really possess such brazen bravado, or am I the vulnerable authentic individual that loves too much and is a helpless romantic? Who knows, but both make an appearance here.
⁴the experiment:
Surprisingly, it’s not the very intimate details of these experiences I share that make me feel vulnerable, but the expression through the medium of art that absolutely terrifies me. How does anyone know if anything is actually good? Does it even matter? Am I just going to humiliate myself by putting this out there and thinking anyone would give a fuck?
Guess I’ll find out.
